Troubled

Let him who seeks continue seeking until he finds. When he finds, he will become troubled. When he becomes troubled, he will be astonished.
-The Gospel of Thomas

When I showed up for work on Friday afternoon my co-instructor, Caroline, asked me how I was and I said, it’s been a rough week. And she asked what’s up and, well, I kind of hesitated because this was only the third time I’d ever seen her, but she seemed nice and I needed someone to talk to so I told her, well, I think my boyfriend and I are breaking up. And she said I’m sorry dude.

We taught class and after class I asked Caroline, hey, do you want to get a drink or something? And she said yeah let’s go to a brewery! So we rode our bikes from Queens to the Bronx where we had two beers in a garden under train tracks and while we sat there it turned from light to dark. Then we rode our bikes back through Queens and she drafted me over the Pulaski Bridge and I took off my sweatshirt because it was warm out. In Brooklyn we ate grilled cheeses while we sat outside and everything was magical and finally, tired and tipsy, we rode together to the Williamsburg Bridge where we split ways and she yelled back: text me when you get home!

And when I got home I realized I did not have her phone number. Or her email. Or her instagram handle. I looked all over the internet but I couldn’t find her anywhere.

And I was astonished.