Change your life: eat more eggs*

So last winter was rough, guys. I got a tooth abscess and then a root canal. I had, like, five different jobs in a span of three months. And it was really cold all the time.

In February I started working at a restaurant in Williamsburg called Egg. And it has been a ray of sunshine in my life ever since. It inspired me to wake up earlier, to drink more coffee, to write harder, but most importantly and most life-changing of all, to eat more eggs.

There is a little known fact that doctors recommend an egg dosage of ten eggs per day for active human beings. This is a pretty big ask considering that we all have things to do besides eat eggs everyday. But, as a person looking to turn my life around, I was shy of no challenge. For me, no hill was to steep to climb.

First things first: as with any life-changing endeavor I needed a before picture.

no eggs
Here I am at an egg-less coffee shop, staring despondently out the window. Notice the crease in the middle of my forehead. My hair is greasy and body-less. As one of my friends mentioned at the time, “You basically always look like you just read The Bell Jar.”

When attempting to transform your life, I think it’s best to tackle one aspect at a time. I was starting by adding more eggs to my diet, which was a pretty big thing to tackle. That meant that for now I was not making any changes to my exercise habits, drinking habits, partying habits, sleeping habits, etc. Eggs. Just eggs.

Day one was difficult to say the least. I ate two hardboiled eggs for breakfast. When three o’clock rolled around and I realized I still had eight eggs to eat I grew frustrated. I started throwing things and yelling at unsuspecting people. At five o’clock I hunkered down at the bar and worked my way through eight eggs. Wow. I had never tried so hard in my life.

On day two something amazing happened. I woke up in the morning and I felt euphoric. My body was already sensing the change in my diet. Day two went by without a hitch. I felt like I was cloaked in a glittering cloud of happiness.

It wasn’t until day four that I hit a wall. It was late afternoon and I had eaten eight of my ten eggs for the day, but my mouth was feeling dry and pasty. I was explaining my woes to my coworker Brittany and she suggested that instead of eating ten hardboiled eggs every day, I should vary the cooking method. “Maybe try a poached egg every once in a while,” she suggested. I was a little hesitant to go straight to the poached eggs so I settled on a few over medium eggs to finish off the day. It was a pleasant surprise. It was much easier to get the over medium eggs down at the end of a long day.

By day nine I was exploring all styles of eggs from poached to sunny to scrambled with cheese (wow!). Not only had I opened my mind to all kinds of egg styles, I also noticed a general change in my demeanor. I was happier, more easy-going, more likely to laugh, and more hopeful. Here are some pictures from day ten:

photo 11 photo 2photo 5 egg

Look at that full-bodied hair. Also notice the wrinkles in my forehead are noticeably smaller (or maybe that’s the lighting or the camera angle. Idk.)

I’m never going back. Ten eggs per day forever. I’m a changed person. A better person.

*This entire post is a lie.**
**Except that I do work at a restaurant called Egg and I have a coworker named Brittany. And I got a tooth abscess and a root canal last year.

6 Comments

  1. I KNOW Egg! And I REALLY KNOW Anne Fo! Go for the EGGS! And do it at EGG!!! (I flew in from Missouri for this treat!) And this post is NOT a lie!

  2. hahahahaha! love and miss you! My favorite line in this whole blog was “I always looked like I just finished reading The Bell Jar” LOL!!! Sylvia Plath…….such a ray of sunshine…….

  3. I cannot believe there’s no mention of the nickname or the genius who gave it to you. SO OFFENDED.

    Though I do interpret this entire post as a sort of homage.

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