Sleepover

I’ve been sleeping on couches recently. Family couches and friend couches. Usually someone offers me a bed or an inflatable mattress at least. But still I choose the couch. I like the chance, when I get it, to fall asleep in the middle of something. I like falling asleep to the gentle voices of other […]

Sleep patterns

I am not a back sleeper but for two months I slept like a corpse. On my back, arms crossed. If I needed to change things up maybe I would cross my legs at the ankles. It came surprisingly naturally to me. Maybe because I was so tired or maybe because we somehow find a […]

Pain scale

The doctors want to know: what’s your pain on a scale of one to ten? So you try to calibrate your scale. Nine and ten are unspeakable. Seven and eight, numbers you might actually use if you felt like you were dying. Like the time you got mono and strep at the same time in […]

Horcrux

I asked a lot of questions at my first post-op. Can I hike? Can I swim? Can I ride my bike inside? The answers: sure, tentatively yes, actually I would just wait. No bikes, no scooters, no skateboarding. (I’m flattered that I look like someone who skateboards.) Let your scar fully heal. Just don’t fall. […]

Webs

When I leave my bedroom in the morning I walk through a spiderweb. I try to pull it off of my body as if it’s a hair that can be snatched up and discarded. But it’s not a hair and I can’t quite grab it so it lingers and eventually dissolves. During the day I […]

Fresh cut

The other day a woman in a coffee shop told me that she liked my hair. I smiled at her but I also smiled to myself because earlier that day I’d been cursing my hair. It’s been falling out, you see, and I’ve been down about it. But–the fact that my hair is falling out […]