So, you wish you were traveling…

But, you just signed a lease and your bank account numbers are small.  No traveling for you, my friend.  But there’s no reason to be sad about it.  Let me remind you of something that you once knew, but have since forgotten: traveling sucks.  Here’s why:

1. The DMV is nothing compared to this kind of bureaucracy.  Remember that time you had to get up when it was still dark out to catch a boat to Uruguay, eat lunch by yourself, and return to Argentina in the same day just so you could renew your tourist visa?  Then you had to get up when it was dark out to go wait in line outside of the regional police office in order to request a criminal background check.  But, they only let in sixty people that day and you were sixty-seventh in line so you had to come back again the next day.  Only then was it time to take your background check, your passport, and a fourth of your life-savings to the migraciones office.

2. Every time you board an international flight mother earth sheds a tear.  Did you know that one round trip flight from Chicago to Frankfurt creates a carbon footprint of about 3.4 tons per person.  That’s only slightly less than the carbon emissions from commuting to work in a mid-sized car for a whole year (3.5 tons).  And we all know that one roundtrip flight is only the beginning.  Mother earth would rather you just drive your four-door car to your nine-to-five job.

3. Sometimes traveling is scary.  Like that time you took a cab alone; the driver dropped you off on a deserted street, demanded for more money than you originally agreed on, and you walked away without giving it to him.  Or the time you got so sick you vomited up all the water that you drank and didn’t pee for over twelve hours and thought that you were going to die from dehydration.

4. Sometimes traveling is lonely.  Like that time you stayed in the only hostel in a quiet border town and you slept alone in a room with eight bunk beds.  Or like all those times you had to take all of your luggage into the bathroom stall with you at the airport.  You dragged your suitcases to the sink to wash you hands.  You realized to your delight that the soap smelled like gummy bears, but there was no one to tell about it.

So whenever you’re feeling a little sad because you’re not traveling, just remember, traveling sucks.

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