I am a very nice person. You know this already. Because you told me: Anne, you are so nice. Anne, you are so calm. Anne, no one could ever hate you because you are so nice.
And I say to you, thanks for the compliments.
And I say, you’re right. (Or you were right.) I have been pretty damn nice: accommodating, smiling, laughing because your joke wasn’t funny. Was funny. I mean it was funny. You’re very funny.
Well, I have some unfortunate news. I am not nice anymore. Here is how I know:
The other day a guy that I’ve been seeing texted me and said: do you want to come over and have a beer this afternoon?
I said: I can’t. But do you want to come over here later this evening?
He said: Maybe. I’m kind of tired, but I’ll let you know.
I said: Don’t bother.
A few minutes later I said: Actually, I can’t do this anymore. Stop f****** texting me.
How mean was that?
Also there was the time about a month ago during my bike ride to work: I was crossing over the BQE on Bedford, alongside a small car. I was riding on the left side of the road (Bedford is a one way street). The car started to slow and veer left for what I assumed would be a left turn that would cut into my current riding path. So I flipped him off.
I flipped him off for something he hadn’t done yet. I might as well start flipping off people who look like maybe, they might, one day, spit in my food. In fact, I should probably start flipping off everyone, just in case, because you never know.
Also on Sunday (post blizzard Sunday) a car honked at me and then blew past me kicking up sludge in my face. I was livid. It was too late to have my revenge on the car in front of me because it was long gone. So I turned and pointed at the car behind me. You better f****** stay there, I said out loud. I think the only person who actually heard me was the guy shoveling his sidewalk nearby. But he could tell I was mad.
So I’m sorry guys, as the evidence shows, I’m not nice anymore.
(And to my parents who will be disappointed to learn that I use the F word: I’m sorry I gave you the URL to my personal blog.)