Overdue

I kept my library books for a very long time. I think I got them in April. Now it’s almost September. When the first email notification from the Denver library popped up in my inbox I was a little worried: yes we were in late territory, no I wasn’t even close to being done with them. But I’d heard that Denver wasn’t doing late fees anymore. And I didn’t mean to take advantage but I ignored all the emails from the Denver Library for weeks.

One day I opened one of the emails. It was time to find out: how late was I really and what were the consequences. So I clicked, I skimmed, and to my delight: no punishment! Denver had done me the courtesy of renewing my books for me (many times)! I guess there was no waitlist for these books. No surprise. I too, seemed not interested in reading them.

So, I kept them. I would read these! After I finished this other more fun book that I picked up in the meantime… And for a while the email notifications stopped. But then they started again. They couldn’t just keep renewing these for me–could they? What would they do if I kept them forever? I started to worry: they could take away my library card, rescind my borrowing privileges, make me buy these books (that I don’t even want)?

So I started to stress out a little. And I kept not reading the emails and stressing out. I would star the email but not read it and stress out. And every week when I skimmed my inbox I would see the starred email and stress out. UNTIL FINALLY I TOOK MY BOOKS BACK TO THE LIBRARY. I did not put them on the book return belt. I walked right up to the front desk. I felt like I had some explaining to do.

“Hi,” the man at the desk said. “Checking out?”
“Actually I’m returning. I’m sorry I’ve had these books for a really long time.” I handed over the books.

He took them. He didn’t seem disappointed or sad. He didn’t seem much of anything. Meanwhile at the next checkout counter over some shit was going down. One of the people involved was maybe high on something. And I thought: I’m probably not the library’s biggest problem today…. Not I shouldn’t return my books on time! Not that the library shouldn’t also be a certain kind of public space where all kinds of problems arise, where all kinds of people come. And it’s not like life is some kind of competition about who is the least of a problem–what kind of competition is that anyway? At the library all of us get the same strange mercy: where no late fees apply.

The man at the desk was scanning in my just returned books.
I said: “And I have a favor to ask.” (So bold of me!) “This one I want to return. But if it’s okay I’d like to keep this other one.”
“Sure.” He scanned the books. “Three more weeks.”

I probably won’t finish this book in three weeks. I think it will be closer to five. I didn’t tell the man this. He might have already known.