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- Baskets. Not carts. Baskets.
- Do not make eye contact. Making eye contact means acknowledging people’s humanity and that’s not why you came here.
- Go to the cheese section where there are usually samples of cheese cut into generous portions. Take three.
- Do not stop in the beauty section. Yes essential oils seem nice but aren’t you still working your way through the tea tree oil that you bought in 2014?
- Look, the only reason you came here instead of going to your local grocery store is because the almond butter here is cheap so just get some and get out of here already.
- If someone is trying to figure out how to get their cart on the escalator do not help them. You’ve never even used the cart-escalator before anyway so you couldn’t help them even if you tried.
- Waive eye contact rule for your cashier. And please be nice. You get to go home now. They will be here all day.